 It had been almost 3 hours since he woke from his short slumber, and I had a raging headache from the amassing sleepless nights and fussy days. I had already changed him, nursed him, burped him, and attempted to put him in his bed twice to a protest of screams, and now, as I rocked him in my arms in the darkness of our bedroom, I found myself thinking that I couldn’t wait till we got to the point where he sleeps through the night because maybe then I could function. But as that thought fired off in my sleep-deprived brain, a more potent thought erupted from my soul and went straight for my heartstrings: he is not going to be this little forever. Sleep suddenly seemed so trivial.
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 I knew I wanted to be a mom. I also knew I was someone who was never great at planning far into the future. Yet by some strange magic, this mothering instinct seemed to sit at the back of my mind, influencing the other goals in my life. The underlying goal in all aspects of my career was to earn enough to put a significant amount into savings so that I could sustain raising a child. Then, over the past couple of years, I started focusing on my health to prepare my body to give my baby the nutrients he needs. A former sugar & carboholic, I began cutting out more processed foods and replacing them with fruits, nuts, and vegetables. Last Spring, I transitioned this even further, switching to organic produce and grass-fed/pasture-raised meats. For someone who was never great at planning the future, without even thinking about it too much, I was making all sorts of changes for a person who was only a dream at this point. This maternal instinct was so strong that for years I was essentially “nesting,” preparing myself for motherhood.
Of course, my goal date for this new adventure kept changing. When I was 25, I thought 35 sounded like a good age to have a baby, but after Evan and I married and bought our first house, the maternal instincts got stronger and my “goal age” kept creeping lower and lower. We bought our second house, moving from Boston to rural New Hampshire, and the goal age for us to start trying creeped down to 31--just a year into the future. Then, just 2 months after buying our new house, we got a dog, an adorable but incredibly needy Boston Terrier. After experiencing the hurdles of puppy training, we decided we wanted an extra year before trying to be parents. Fate, on the other hand, had other plans. Really, Fate seemed to be set on our “pre-dog” plan to start trying on our 5 year anniversary trip to Rome. So on our trip there this past November, the night of the November New Moon and our last night in Rome... |
AuthorWife. WFH mom to a 4 year old (& Boston Terrier!) All about fitness for stress-relief, yummy food for fuel, and all the shortcuts that allow us to still be healthy while saving time since life is busy enough as it is. Writing about momlife, health, and life hacks as I take on this adventure called life. Hi, I'm Luna. Categories
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